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Permalink Reply by Megan McDermott on July 12, 2012 at 5:18pm

My family for the most part thinks my dressing like a Pinup is pretty cool. I too have an unsupportive mom, so I know how you feel. I've learned to just ignore her put-downs and just be me. You can't please everyone and if you try it'll just drive you mad.

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Permalink Reply by Desilu on July 12, 2012 at 6:05pm

lol, brandi, i think you hit it on the head. jealousy i think it is... it is something that has often complicated our relationship in the past, and i too had disowned my mother in the past. at this point, i don't have a choice in the matter - financial constraints force otherwise. but i totally get you.

and thanks for the advice and *hugs* ladies!! MUCH APPRECIATED!!!

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Permalink Reply by Laura Byrnes on July 12, 2012 at 6:53pm

To be completely honest? I cut them out. I avoid negative and unsupportive family members and "friends", saving my time and energy for the people in my life who support me, value me, and make me happy. Don't like what I'm about? That's cool, bye! <3

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Permalink Reply by Laura Byrnes on July 12, 2012 at 6:56pm

I also understand you're living with her, I'm not saying to move out. Just don't include her. And if she wants to comment on what you have on? "Don't like it, don't wear it."

If someone's going to try to make me miserable every time I bring up x or y, I just disengage. No need to try to reason with or change negative people, it's a waste of energy.

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Permalink Reply by Erika Alexander on July 25, 2012 at 6:56pm

Words to live by! Thanks, Laura!

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Permalink Reply by sandy francis on July 12, 2012 at 7:46pm

please add a thumbs up function.

I do the same thing- I've got no time for nonsense- no matter who is dishing it.

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Permalink Reply by Voodoo Bettie on July 24, 2012 at 11:44am

Agreed, I would love to see pics of you in your new petticoat too!

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Permalink Reply by Lisa Skaug on July 12, 2012 at 7:32pm

Personally, the only thing that I get chastised for, is spending too much on my wardrobe. I'm lucky in that my parents, brother, in-laws, friends and husband like my style, but most importantly, like me for ME, and wouldn't have me any other way. The way I dress is secondary to them. That being said, if they notice any cool retro/rockabilly festivals, fairs and events going on, they are always quick to let me know and generally are keen to join me. I like that I can share my interests with people I care about.

In regards to people who are negative, I just consider them wiped. I have no time or energy to invest in trying to please everyone. As Dita says, “You can be a delicious, ripe peach and there will still be people in the world that hate peaches…” Best thing you can do? NOT involve those who don't support you. If you know they're going to make a negative comment when you ask a question, simply don't ask. Don't give them that power.

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Permalink Reply by Erika Ortiz on July 12, 2012 at 8:23pm

Not having support is sad. Take it from someone without a mother, I would love to have no support then no mom.
But it's your life and your choice. Plus a totally awesome network of people who do understand.

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Permalink Reply by Desilu on July 12, 2012 at 11:39pm

thank you all for the advice. and yes, i will post pics of the damn petticoat on saturday. i'm wearing it tomorrow, so i'll take them then! thank you again. it's reassuring to know that i am not the only one with this same issue (but sad to know it as well), and happy to know that this is one loving family... thank you! xoxo jenn =)

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Permalink Reply by little sunshine on July 14, 2012 at 10:55pm

My mom is essentially the same. Always on me for how I choose to dress, the music I like, how I wear my hair. It used to be that as long as I was smiling, my dad was cool with my clothing choices, but since I'm kind of a daddy's girl, my mom has tried to make HIM spit her disapproval of me. 

I'm overly sensitive (in my family, being aware someone is ragging on you is sensitive, telling them to stop is overly so), so I spend a lot of time ignoring the worst of it, and talking to my amazing best friends who know ME. I also watch a lot of sports and get all my yelling out that way. ;)

Honestly it sounds like 12 kinds of resentment built up on your mom's part. You're younger than her, doing more of what you want, being more your own person. That scares some mothers and makes them think they're losing control. My mom's a control freak. Every aspect has to be perfect, and the pinup punk daughter with a lip ring and victory rolls isn't her idea of perfect. 

Hope you find your own happiness because nobody's gonna hand it to ya. Luckily, you have a place to talk. Sometimes that's all ya need to get through the day. 

Besitos!!!

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Permalink Reply by Soozi Qu on July 14, 2012 at 11:55pm

Don't be put off Jen and don't let anyone rain on your parade. I know it's hardest when it's your Mum but just remember that not everyone will 'get' your style. I'm very used to having people stare at me in the street or in the supermarket because of how I look and dress, and I've been doing this for 25 years!

Just remember though, that their opinion of you is none of your business. I stare back when people stare openly and rudely, just to show them that I'm not frightened by their stares but I'm disgusted by their bad manners. My Mum never used to get me either and make disparaging comments. Now she's great and often talks about the sort of clothes she wore when she was young.

Things change and so do people. Don't think this means your Mum doesn't love you. If you invite her comments then don't like them, don't ask. If she offers negative criticism uninvited then politely tell her that although you respect her opinion, it wasn't solicited and you'd prefer she keep negative opinions to herself. If you say it kindly, lovingly and respectfully eventually she'll get it.

Hold your head high and be proud of yourself and who you are Jen. Know that to stand out in a crowd isn't always easy but it's certainly character building. To be a woman means to be strong and prepared to stand out. Anyone can dress like the masses and have someone else dictate what's in fashion this year. It takes a strong personality to decide they'll walk to the beat of their own drum. It's always nice to find other like minded souls walking the same path to the same beat as well. Makes life not quite so lonely.

Good luck honey!

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